As I type this, coincidentally, I’m also listening to Harry Styles’ Sign of the Times, partly because of the karaoke rendition by Sandra Hüller in the movie version of Project Hail Mary, and the title of the song did strike me, given the subject.
In many respects, it has been the best of times, the worst of times, for a variety of reasons — I suffered a prolonged period of unemployment and questioned the career choices I had made that led me to that point; whether someone who was, at the time, around the same age as James T. Kirk in Wrath of Khan who also felt redundant and too old.
If you asked me how I was feeling at the time, I’d have given the same answer: “How am I feeling? Old, and worn out”.
But coming out of the other side of that, there was a sense of renewal, refocus, that I certainly was not redundant or too old.
It was a revelation in a way.
Throughout my previous career, I had pivoted a few times, mostly because I enjoyed doing different things rather than just staying in my lane. I had no discernible career ladder because of those choices. There wasn’t really any linear career that I could point to in a CV, and trying to explain what was, essentially, just a kit bag of experiences to a recruiter fell on deaf ears because there was no box they could put me in to present to a prospective employer.
It wasn’t until around Year Two that I started to become comfortable with no longer having a place in the industry I’d spent a quarter of a century in. It wasn’t until then that every pivot and professional reinvention was anything but — it was just another trap in the same lane as before; different titles but just more of the same.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m eternally grateful for that journey, the people and network I’ve met, the places and countries I’ve been to, and the opportunities. When people ask what would you tell your younger self to do differently? my answer is always nothing! because to get to this place where I am now, in this moment, with some of the same people hanging around, and the ability and confidence to pull off this mother of all career pivots and start at the bottom again, I had to go through it all.
And I’d definitely do it all again. No 25-year do-overs.
That sense of renewal came from understanding that, across that very corporate career, I loved the creative parts the most. The way writing, conference talks, and storytelling pulled people in to engage was a buzz you just can’t emulate unless you’re in the thick of it, doing it. I realised that the only way to capture that was to make it a career choice.
To not let it be a small component of a larger set of responsibilities, but to be the major part.
That meant removing the foot wedged in the past, in the hope that one day someone would happen to open it again and ask me back. It meant closing that door for good, welding it shut, and walking away. I think this is the mistake a lot of people make — they will forever keep the door ajar and never really fully commit to something completely new.
It’s not easy; the money is the biggest factor you have to reconcile to make this kind of sweeping change. For me, it became easier and easier because I had no income, I was rock bottom financially, and the concept of pulling in six-figure salaries vanished entirely, so I was starting from scratch in a sense.
It was the worst of times.
So, I made a conscious decision to leave the old world behind and dive headlong into full-time creative writing. I published an anthology of speculative fiction — a mix of existential horror, science fiction, and fantasy. I secured some front-loaded creative consulting work under NDA with my current employer, working directly with the creator of a long-running AAA video game franchise, with the view to writing and pitching a treatment for a television series based on their IP. This led to securing work directly with that very same IP as Narrative Designer and Game Writer, whilst at the same time still progressing that series treatment, production pitch, to look to secure a showrunner.
Aside from this, I am also working, again under NDA, with a smaller indie studio, to potentially write a screenplay based on their sci-fi IP, too.
I have two completed and released feature films, as co-executive producer, working with the award-winning director Marc Zammit.
Now, on top of all this, I’ve been exploring TTRPG game design and writing campaigns, screenwriting for television and feature film, and learning game modding in my spare time, and as of April, I secured a commission to write a short story for a fantasy franchise.
On a personal level, I’ve taken on Trustee and Non-Executive Director positions at charities with specific interests close to my heart, and mentor games industry professionals through Limit Break.
This is me, now. Knee deep in the best of times. A tale of two careers.
And like Kirk at the end of Wrath of Khan, if you ask me how I’m feeling now?
Young. I feel young…